famous brother's biography

[From my famous brother, who is crafting an official version at the moment:]

            Famous brother "was born in Ottawa, Ontario, but grew  up in Toronto. He studied at the X Ballet School until he  didn't want to anymore, then attended and graduated from the  X School of the Arts. After participating in some truly  mortifying modern-dance shows, he hit ballet on the rebound, and  danced with the nominal company X Ballet Theater, which  resembles several species of insect that spend most of the year  gestating underground before emerging for a few glorious weeks -- for  the insects, typically summertime, when food is abundant; for XBT,  Christmas, the only time of year a profitable proportion of the  populace can be persuaded to pay attention to ballet. With XBT he  danced soloist and corps de ballet roles, although in the  professional exchange rate that works out to about dancing Horse for  the National Ballet of Canada. Souvenirs include plenty of material  for a stand-up routine or series of comic essays.
            He returned to the X Ballet School to attend the  Intensive Dance Program, where he spent two years. During that  period, he worked in every imaginable category of part-time or  itinerant employment.
            He dressed mannequins at Levi's on the assurance (oh, the naivete!) that they would be willing to allow him a reduced  schedule over Nutcracker season so he could perform with the National  Ballet of X -- yes, Christmastime, as we all know typically a  very slow time for retail -- and extorted a substantial settlement  from them in return for not reporting the abusive fashion in which he  was fired, shortly before Christmas, to the Labour Relations Board.  Souvenirs include an intimate knowledge of the taxonomy of ass-cracks.
            Following which, he handed out flyers for a store that  nobody was interested in on Queen Street West. If you're keeping  track of the seasons, you'll realize this was in January. Souvenirs  include chilblains and, eventually, a nasty farmer's tan.
            He worked as a cougar-bait barista, at a Timothy's  outlet in the Bay, in a role not dissimilar to that of the chained-up goat in Jurassic Park, and consequently knows the psychological  peculiarities, music preferences, sexual fantasies, and phone numbers  of innumerable middle-aged heterosexual Toronto women, many of them  married. Souvenirs include a signed and clearly beloved acoustic  version of Eric Clapton's Layla on LP.
            He was 'discovered' while handing out flyers, and  modeled, by which it is meant that he had some nice photos taken of  himself gratis, attends occasional auditions and has to the present  date made not a cent. Souvenirs include plenty of fantasy material,  in the form of fellow fellow-models.
            He worked as a barback for the Drake Hotel, a job that  while taxing was remarkably easy. The power of visualization is  amazing, and more so when you can visualize the hundred or so dollars  of tax-free, on-top-of-minimum-wage cash you are certain to walk out  with at the end of the night, contingent on hard work and  friendliness. Souvenirs include a habit of tipping well into 30%.
            While doing all of this, he danced roles such as Second  Guy From The Left In The Back Row in Toer Van Schayk's Pyrrhic  Dances and Second Guy From The Left, But In A Smaller Group in Peggy  Baker's restaging of Lar Lubovitch's North Star. He rehearsed for  six months but did not dance the lead role of Spencer in Glenn  Gilmour's The Playing Field, having sprained his ankle during the dress rehearsal.
            He joined the National Ballet of X's Apprentice  Program after his third audition for it. He danced an almost-soloist  role in The Contract and the role of Waiter #3 in The Nutcracker.  Souvenirs include a stress fracture of the tibia from which he has  spent the last six months recuperating. He missed The Contract's  tour to New York, Cinderella's tour to Ottawa, and the creation of  a brand-new full-length ballet by James Kudelka." [Toronto-17-June-2005]