missive from the freshly shorn one

From Dad:

Have now shaved 3 times and will try to get some close up photos before bearding up again. When I got to school, my colleague Johanna roared with surprise and immediately asked what Marg thought...My reply was something like...."Well it is 33 years since I last shaved and saw my whole face and I must say that Marg has shown considerable emotional advancement. Last time she just started weeping and muttering who is this boy I married.... This time she simply looked at me with disgust and disdain..." It does look odd but everyone says I look 10 years younger thought that may not be a good thing.

Also very strange to realize at the age of 57 that I did not know how to shave. I raced into Sam's barber shop and told him he could finally achieve his wish and shave "the ugly hair off my face" which he has wanted to do for about 15 years. But....his back is now so sore he can't lean over to shave customers so the best he could do is to buzz it as short as he could. So Randy heads off to Shoppers Drug Mart to the Shaving Aisle where I have never been, except by accident on the way to deodorants or milk. What a hoot, there must have been 30 kinds of cream and what a razor selection. They even had pighair shaving brushes from Italy and the kind of soap my Grampas used to use....

So I grabbed the cheapest shaving cream and a pack of Gillette disposals and went home for a shower and a shave. Not too much blood (only 2 bits of toilet paper to stop the bleeding) but what a shock: I have to shallow ravines on both sides below my mouth that I can't remember, one major volcano on my chin and the ugly scar tissue hanging down from the bottom of my chin. Yeccch. Did I ever tell my children how I got the scar tissue? Seems one early Sunday morning in my youth we decided to take our puke-covered cars to the 24 hour carwash in Forest Lawn. I had my 54 Chevy, and Ronnie D'Amour and I think Skip Beatty had their cars. Can't seem to recall why all the cars were covered with puke but I am sure their was a logical reason. I seem to recall we were all still very drunk, or at least I was, considering what comes next. I recall lots of steam and being cold so maybe we were spraying more than our cars but at some point some idiot decided we should cap off our otherwise exemplary night with a contest to see who could kick the highest up onto the cinder block wall of the car wash. Now you have all seen my legs and how short they are so I must have been very drunk to even consider entering the contest but somehow I blacked out and woke up lying flat on the concrete floor with chin flat on said floor and my glasses lying on the floor about a foot in front of my eyes. Hmmmm. Anyways, we farm boys are tough and I seem to recall resisting the pleas of my good friends to take me to the hospital for stitches and I guess I drove home and went to bed which explains why I have this really ugly lump under my chin which is conveniently been covered by my beard for the last 40 years or so.

Anyways, I realized I didn't know how to shave so I squeezed some cream onto my hands and rubbed it onto my face and neck and started to flail away....But it didn't seem very easy and it was a bit bloody but I scraped away and behold it looked reasonable and I washed up. However, it was still really bristly and when I told the boys at work my tale they roared with laughter... Apparently you have to shave up your face as well as down your face to get out all the little bristly bits. Oh well, waited a few days and then tried again but this time I thought maybe I should read the directions on the shaving cream....Hmmmm. I noted that it said to apply to a face liberally wet with warm water. I guess it was a bit dryer than it ought to have been the first time. so the second time went a lot smoother, literally, aside from having bristles on the volcano and the scar tissue, I did a good job. I also learned that if you screw up your face to tighten the skin you can get more of the bristles off. Cool. But if won't last for long as I am far to lazy to do this on a regular basis....

[Randy's Reviews-9-February-2008]