intended to be soothing, actually frightening

While I was seeing the dermatologist here in Delhi about my melanoma, I had to sit in the clinic waiting room for many an hour. The office, located above a bustling market and up a flight of betel-spit-stained stairs, was tiny and always chock-a-block with botox "patients" and people carrying giant medical manila envelopes who were there for actual health reasons. While I sat very anxiously in the dimly lit waiting room, I had the opportunity to "enjoy" two paintings that were displayed on the walls. Both were depressingly bad, but the topper was the one that featured several ill-rendered fruits on what appeared to be an incorrectly planed (yes, planed, not planned) plexiglass cabinet. I was freaked out about this painting every single time I went to the dermatologist. (You can ask Mum about how I thought the cat painting at her friend's place was eeeevil to learn more about my art fears). Still, it was only on my second-to-last visit that I took a closer look and realized that the painting was signed by none other than the dermatologist himself, Mr. "I can't explain your path report to you because I would then have to explain all of dermatology to you and I'm a ******* ***[deleted bad words, as I am trying not to invite karma to come and bite me on the ass for saying bad things about someone who helped to arrange to have my cancer removed]" Himself.

I don't know. Me, I think that he should've stuck with a pretty picture of Nicole Kidman's immobile face or something:

There's just something about the way the grapes are 'falling' off their see-thru shelf that weirds me out. And why the plexiglass block? And for what reason is the peach half-visible and half the colour of the background? And for heaven's sakes, what did the bananas do to deserve their banishment to the exterior reaches of the box? Are the grapes on their way out too?

When we visited Delhi the first time and were cooped up in our Green Park B & B (actually, just a B as the B wasn't actually included, although we usually did cough up the extra dough for some cornflakes 'n coffee) we were fascinated and yet repelled by a weird ad on TV for skin whitener. Now, coming from Bangkok, we know our skin whiteners really well. In Thailand the ads usually feature floating white feathers and exceedingly beautiful and pale Thai teenagers who gently touch the cream to their faces and are magically (ie with sparkly stars animated across their cheeks and such other effects) made even whiter. All across Asia there is a huge market for whiteners. Actually, one way we know that we've crossed the international date line is when the pages in the magazines we read on the plane suddenly switch from whitener ads to sunless tanning cream ads as we enter North American airspace. But back to the Indian ad. Unlike the Thai ads, this one directly equated darker skin with dirtiness and un-niceness. A rather pretty lady gets on a plane and sits down. She takes out a compact and wipes her cheeks with it, and miraculously her skin gets whiter! The whitening / darkening effects appeared to be done post-production, and the over reaction we had was Huh? Followed by Yecch:

When we were flying Lufthansa we were deeeeeeply disturbed by their in-flight safety and fitness instructor, Psyco Computer Generated Guy. Bearing a distinct resemblance to Vacation Hair Dude, PCGG demonstrated all the guidelines for flying, disaster preparedness, and barf bag utilization that real, live flight attendants demonstrate on other airlines. Maybe the head honchos at Lufthansa thought that this would save money. Maybe they thought it would be cool. But if so, they were wrong. PCGG is just nutty. Check him out as he shows how to stretch during the flight. Ah, if only I had a video, you'd be able to see how he bends in ways that humans can't.

Dude. That's just, like, not helpful when you're hallucinating from a lack of sleep.

Lastly, in our photo essay today, we bring you Fearsome Duck. Seung Yi went to see nice Dr. Gupta at Max Clinic a few weeks ago for her immunizations. We like Dr. Gupta alot because she a) errs on the side of not prescribing antibiotics right away, b) she gives straightforward and helpful advice, and c) she answered my questions about Ji's fever by telephone one time. However, nice as Dr. Gupta is, she has the most depressing Hey Baby Cheer UP While I Jab You With This Sharp Needle Full of Pain toy known to man:

I don't know about you, but this makes me want to curl up and whimper, and I'm not even getting shots today!

[On The Road-5-May-2007]