love: the kindergarden years

Yesterday was a great day. I have been feeling super-well and full of energy. I got up early and braved the Weekend Market, and am pleased to report that I have now conquered my fear of the scary-busy interior CNE-style clothing stall area. I can now guide you through the market without a care in the world and without getting lost. On one hand I'm proud of myself, but on the other hand a little of the mystery of the market - and the panic of feeling like I'd never be able to find an exit - has been lost. Ah, such is maturity. It was the perfect day for the market: overcast, relatively cool (ie 33' in the sun and not 36'), and I got there early so it wasn't crowded at all. I was extremely successful in my campaign to buy maternity clothes and came home with two t-shirts, two long-sleeved shirts, a tank top, a blouse, and a dress for less than 30 bucks. Not only that, but the clothes are all very nice. Embroidered t-shirts, fancy-stitched shirts, a funky hand-sewn design on the tank top, and the dress doesn't have a single dorky Mickey Mouse applique or weird confanglement of ribbons on it. Although there are shoulder bows (eenh) that I'm going to have to get the tailor to remove. Still and all, very good haul. It's been a bit of a challenge finding maternity stuff here; the cheaper stores don't carry anything and the expensive stores just have crazy-expensive imported things from Mothercare. There's no Value Village. Last week I also had good luck downtown, haappening upon two maternity clothes stalls near Siam Square where I picked up a few pairs of pants and some cotton sleeveless tops. So, I can now grow and expand my girth without the fear of having to leave the house naked. Or squished. Hurrah!

Last night we went out for dinner with Phet's colleagues James and Helena and our very good friend Kit, who's visiting from KL. Our friend Dan, his fiancee Art, and his sister Ruth (who's visiting from Canada) also met up with us at the classy Chinese restaurant we'd picked for dinner so we could test out their Peking Duck. Turned out to be good but not quite as tasty or as cheap as another place Dan had introduced us to across the street. Next time we know. Anyways, most of the dinner was spent guffawing over Phet, Dan, and Ruth's fake Russell Peters-style "Chinese" accents. Interestingly enough, Ruth said she's met Russell Peters and that he is very short in real life. Hm! Cool Canadian celebrity insider gossip, right here on Fixed Address!

After dinner, we went for ice cream at the fancy gelato shop on Thong Lor. While we were there, Ji proposed to Art. Ji's infatuation dates back several months; he adores Art. When we went to a wedding party for Phet's colleague and Art walked past our table wearing a lovely diaphanous white cocktail dress, Ji sighed, "She's beautiful!" And Art's not only gorgeous, but she's also nice, smart, an excellent singer (who performs! on stage!), and very stylish. Unfortunately, since that wedding party Dan has gone and asked Art to marry him and now they are engaged and Ji's future happiness is threatened! Here's what transpired over the ice cream...

Ji is waiting for his dessert. We mention that Art might know Leaving On A Jet Plane, which Ji has been learning, and so he asks her to sing it for him. She sings a full verse in her marvellous voice and Ji sings along a little, but shyly. Then his cake arrives. He gets an enormous slice of Black Forest cake covered with heaps of whipped cream and chocolate flakes. He offers it to the table and Art says she'll have a bite so he feeds her a spoonful of whipped cream off of his fork. He looks like he's died and gone to heaven. Then he asks Art if she'll marry him.

I tell Ji he might want to check about Art's engagement ring. "Do you have a gage, an engage, an engagement ring?" he asks stutteringly. "Yes, would you like to see it?" Art replies, and holds out her hand to show off a pretty platinum-set sparkler. Ji takes it in at a glance and is clearly unimpressed. "If you marry me," he says, " I will give you a goose that lays golden eggs. A golden goose. That lays golden eggs." Art appears tempted for a moment. I interject, "You know, Ji, you might want to tell Art about your other three girlfriends who you have promised to marry." "I'm going to have thirteen wives," Ji notes carefully, "And I will build you all a golden chamber and there will be a golden bed, and the windows of the chamber will have sparkles in them." I turn to Art and add, "Yes, and the chamber will be located at the foot of our bed where Ji sleeps, so you and the other twelve wives will have to fit yourselves in there carefully."

Since the cake is now done and everyone's finished up the ice cream, Ji makes use of what little time remains to convince Art that he's the better man. With a big grin on his face he silently points back and forth from himself to Dan, and then gives Art a shrug of the shoulders and a lift of the eyebrows to ask which man she will pick. Sadly, it is Ji's bedtime before he manages to steal Art away, but he continues his plans in the taxi.

"Mum, when can people live without their parents?" "Well, Ji, I think that in Canada parents are responsible for their children until the kids are 18, but sometimes in special circumstances the kids can leave their parents home when they are 16. But you know, some kids keep living with their parents like me and Auntie Emma. It all depends." "But Mum, when can I get married?" "When you're 18, I think." "Well then, Mum, I am going to run off to the jungle and be like Tarzan and find a girl there." "I think you're more likely to find an orang-utan than a little girl. Would you marry an orang-utan?" "No! Oh Mum, you're just being silly. I'm going to marry Kwan." "Well, Ji, I'm not so sure that Kwan's Mum and Dad - who seem like very responsible and respectable people - will let Kwan run off to the jungle with you when she's only five years old." "Well then, I'll find a jungle girl myself. Like Tarzan and Jane."

Please await the receipt of your wedding invitation (written on jungle leaves with jungle juice, naturally) with baited breath. [Ji Hong-9-April-2006]