dear ji

Hi Ji!

I know you don't usually read this website because you're too busy sorting Oscar's trash or dressing up Grover like a crazy monster on sesamestreet.com, but I thought maybe while you're away from me Gramma will read this site to you.

I hope everything is going ok in Canada. Pa and I miss you SO MUCH. It is so quiet here without you yapping all the time. You know, I always bug you about how much you talk, and sometimes I make you give me a rest from all the chatting and you have to go for quiet time while I have reading and drinking tea and not talking time. But you know what? If you weren't around for me to talk to, life would be much more boring. For the first couple of days that you were gone, I enjoyed the silence. But now it's getting to be too much! And you know what? In the morning we are getting ready to leave too quickly. This morning I got to school almost half an hour earlier than usual. Since I don't have to nag you about hurrying up all the time, we seem to zip through the early mornings. I have to admit that it IS nice not to have to say "brush your teeth" eighty million thousand times in the morning (cause, you know, I only have to tell Pa about sixty million times and he does it). Hm, I wonder if Gu Pa is having fun telling you to brush your teeth? Or maybe because she has that giant screen TV you just automatically brush your teeth without her having to say anything. And maybe you also don't yap at all because of the giant screen TV. Hm, do you think Pa and I should buy a big TV? Maybe that's the solution to all of our problems. And I could watch the World Cup.

Speaking of the World Cup, I hope you watched the Ukraine versus Switzerland match with your Grampa. I bet he was cheering on those yodeling, muesli-eating red-shirted Alp-trekkers. No, ha ha, I'm just joking. I'm sure he was cheering for the team that comes from the country Nana's family was from. Do you know which country that is?

If you watched the game, Ji, you'll know that Ukraine won in overtime in penalties, when they out shot the Swiss 3-0. When Ukraine plays those namby-pamby Italians later this week, you go out and watch the game at the Gelato shop with Grampa. Be sure to wear a yellow and blue shirt, and get Grampa to teach you some Ukrainian swear words you can shout at the Italian shopkeeper. Ha, ha, he won't know what the heck you are talking about. Now, when Ukraine actually wins the match, run to Grampa's car and drive around the neighbourhood tooting the horn and screaming "Uuuuuuuukraaaaaaaaine!!!" at the top of your lungs. And throw some kielbasa and perogies at anyone who doesn't honk back.

I'm guessing that your Grampa is also pretty excited about Ghana getting into the top 16. It's too bad that they'll be playing Brazil. Brazil is a really good team. But when you watch the game just keep reminding Grampa that even if the Ghanians don't get past the Brazilians, they knocked the socks off the Americans. And we LOVE it when someone knocks the socks off the Americans. We'd like to see everyone in their whole country go sockless, actually. Might kind of even things out around the world if that were the case.

(Heh heh heh, I am having so much fun writing this knowing exactly which phrases and words will make you ask your Gramma "Why? Why? Why?" Har har har, the joke is on her! I don't have to answer your questions so I can digress and yammer on about anything I like. Mwa ha ha ha! I am drunk with power!)

At school everything is fine. Everyone who knows you are in Canada keeps asking me how your are doing and whether you are adjusting ok to being without me and Pa. I just laugh. I haven't heard you express a single iota of sadness at being bereft of your parents. You practically sprinted away from us at the airport. Before you left you told me several times with a big smile on your face, "My friends at school will never see me again. I am leaving permanently." You seemed really happy about everything and I'm glad about that. I hope you feel the same way when your father's new job circa 2016 takes you to a country one-continent removed from your girlfriend! But really, I hear from Gramma, Grampa, and Gu Pa that you are having a great time in Canada. I wish you would invent a video camera that you could strap to your head so that I could see what you see all the time. Unless it's a Barney show on TV. Then I would NOT like to see what you see. Or, if you are picking your nose and looking in the mirror I don't want to see that. But I wish I knew what you were doing all the rest of the time. What books are you reading? What did you eat for breakfast? What are you wearing? Did it make your Gramma and your Gu Pas crazy that you only brought, like, 5 outfits with you, and only 2 pairs of pants? Remember to remind them that I am not a bad Mom. You went to a fancy private school and wore a burberry plaid uniform every day of the week so we didn't have to have many casual outfits for you. And it's the tropics here. Who needs pants? Right? Oh, and speaking of clothes, I meant to tell you that your new, hand-tailored suit arrived and it looks totally fantastic. The tailor let the pants out just a bit, so they should be more comfy for you now. You are going to look so incredible. Every girl will want to date you. This suit is waaaay classier than the blue tails. This one is really a good suit for an almost-five-year-old. Super classy. But I still disagree with you - I think you should get a wild-coloured shirt and not just wear your white Polo button down. I think fuscia or plum would be the way to go. Or maybe midnight blue. You ask your Auntie Anne what she thinks and she'll tell you what's what.

Yesterday I got to teach your class because Teacher Robin was sick and I had a lot of fun with all your friends. But boy, do they ever talk alot! And they like to move around alot, too, just like you. They are like excited atoms with ants in their pants. I had forgotten how much energy a class of kindergarden kids has. Now I'm used to my grade 4s and grade 5s, who all sit pretty still in school. But wow, did I ever get some exercize while I was teaching your class! I had to run around all the time. We had lots of fun drawing different animals. Linya drew some excellent horses with people riding them. She is an excellent artist, isn't she? Meemi drew three animals nice and big and neat, all of them with their eggs. She talked quite a bit in class. I was amazed. Last year I knew her for SIX MONTHS and she didn't say one word to me. Paul drew a mangly-dangly giant "snake" with a huge pink thing attached. Isaiah drew a tiger which was eating a T Rex which was eating a stegosaurus that looked like a grizzly bear. It was a pretty awesome drawing. Your wee chair was empty and I wished you were there so you could draw me a robot that could create new animals or an electrified sheep.

Other than that, there is not much new here. Pa and I are slowly getting ready to move but we won't pack anything up until Pa finishes work next Wednesday. We have given away all your toys to the orphanage because we know you don't really need them. Ha ha! Just joking again! Pa says he misses your snuggles and he is really annoyed because I won't let him watch Batman and Dracula because it's too violent. He also says he's getting out of shape because you're not here to wrestle with him. We both can't wait to see you at the end of July. Be a good boy, don't cut your eyes at anyone, speak politely, and don't let your burning fire heart get angry too easily. We love you!

Mum

PS: Your sister is kicking me like CRAZY these days. She is going to be a crunk dancer or something, this one. Today in class she gave me such a thump that I was actually startled and said "oh my!" which made all the kids laugh and laugh. Maybe her super power is that she controls the universe with her kicks. What do you think?

[Ji Hong-27-June-2006]