things j.h.r.s. said: year of the mammoth

CALL JANN WENNER, WE HAVE A NEW WRITER FOR ROLLING STONE
Ji Hong flips through the CD binder. Points to Led Zeppelin.  "It sounds like a frisbee flying through the air." Mentions that Bob Dylan "sounds like bullets". Tells me that Phet's old roomate Aaron's band Vibe Merchant "sounds like a dinosaur dying." Finally flips to Beck's album Sea Change and says, "I've heard this and it sounds like crap."

THE CHINESE SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OUTSIDE THE BOX
"Is there a year of the elephant?  Or the mammoth?  Or anything with a trunk?"  And later:  "Do you know anyone who was born in the year of the penguin, Mum?"

THIS DOESN'T HELP ME WITH MY SOFT BOILED EGG DISGUST, YOUNG MAN
"I can feel a nice fluid egg going down my throat and that washes the mucous down."

I DRINK IT, BUSTER
When offered a nice refreshing glass of prune juice:  "No, that's for old people."

GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH, WE REQUIRE AN ANSWER FORTHWITH
"My question is how she kept the bubble on the ground when she got out of it, and my second question is how did she make herself the same size as the bubble."

FEARS, PART THE THIRD
"All I was doing was looking upwards and I was just scared." About a dream:  "It wasn't a bad ghost, it was evil.  It's too scary to tell." About getting sad every night at sunset:  "I just like being in the same room as you.  I don't like to go to sleep.  It's always cold.  I want to make it so we can see the stars and moon even in the daytime.  I don't going to sleep because we can't see the sun anymore.  I wish nobody would ever get old because I don't want them to die because I couldn't remember them." About the movie he saw in Chinese class (this may be a repeat, sorry):  "A kitty lost his Mum.  He walked the path too much.  Well he didn't really lose his Mum, at first he had his Mum, and it was very dark and there was a thunderstorm, and the lightning hit the tree.  It's about a cat.  The boy one is about a boy stealing a cat, and they just never got it back.  I was crying at the one with only the kitty.  He was stuck in the river, then he got in the...monster, he did not get to win.  They did not get to fight.  The monster was trying to bug the kitty.  When he got to the river there was a rainbow in the sky.  So he stayed with the other rabbit."

AND FINALLY, THAT EXPLAINS ALOT
"Sometimes when I smash into a wooden table with my head, the table gets a little crack.  I guess because my head is so strong." [Ji Hong-8-May-2005]