things j.h.r.s. said: grapefruit, start talking

Yes, yes, y'all, it's that time again! Time for the what-Ji-said-this-week roundup. And here is your host...the insightful, the erudite, the honey-tongued JI HONG SAAAAAAAYYYYYYOOOOO:

Hey internet! How ya feeling? Yah, I hear ya...Well, it's good to be back online, you know. Yah, so, ya see what I'm wearing? No, this ain't a ballet suit with my Mom's old pajamas safety pinned to the back. Suckers. This is my super suit! I can fly, dudes. And the cape is detachable for safety reasons and all. You know how it is these days. Can't be too careful. So lemme see what I been thinking about this week...

CALL DIOR, WE HAVE A NEW NEW LOOK FOR SUPERHEROES
"I wear knee cap shorts, a blue tummy patch, big blue socks, and giant yellow boots. I'm on Earth because I have my secret identity here. Superman wears his underwear OVER his pants! It's because he's not super smart, he's super strong."

HAWAII: HOME OF SUPER-VILLAINS GALORE
"I'm practicing my hiding because I'm going back to my planet. Do you know what makes enemies come? Lava. That's because enemies love lava. They live in a lava tube, or, like, an exploding volcano. I don't like lava because I fight them."

BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN WRITE YOUR OWN NAME YET
"Do you know what the big bang is? It's this giant thing that splat out the Earth and it's made of these chemicals that exploded...there was a tiny dwarf star until --poof!-- it exploded and that's what made the Earth."

YAH, WELL, IT'S THE DREAM WE ALL WANT TO LIVE, BUDDY
"I want to be cut off from school because all I want to do is relax. For three hundred years. Yep, I'll live that long. I'll just play with you all day long. I'll fire the school so that no one will have a job except for Pa and the shops and the candy shops. And there are no rules so I can do whatever I want to do. I dye my hair blonde and you have to dye your hair blonde."

FEARS, PART THE FOURTH
"I always seem to get scared at half past night. That's how it works for me, Mum. It's not a fear, it's a scare."

TRUTHS
[Ji comes and tells me this first thing in the morning before even saying 'hello, Mum', at quarter to six in the morning]: "If I use this table for the first time, and I didn't break it and you didn't break it, but it's broken, it's BAD QUALITY." Earlier the same day, Teacher Marc told me that in class Ji said to him, "You know, if I have something and no one else has it, then it is worth alot. Like, if I have the only diamond in the world, it will be worth alot of money." Marc asked Ji how much he thought that this, the rarest of diamonds would cost. Ji answered, "At least A HUNDRED BAHT." [Current exchange rates at oanda.com state that this would make the diamond worth exactly 3.12$cdn or 2.48$US]

WHAT I REALLY LOOK LIKE TO JI; OR REPRESENTATIONAL ART, PART THE FIRST
"There's your head. You have a tiny peanut brain. This is your arms [connected directly off head; no torso]. Here's your eyeball. See, it's on top of your head, so it's hammering down on your head. You have three eyeballs and an antenna."

SURREALIST HAPPENING IN DINING ROOM, #1
[Ji is wandering around carrying an old paper towel tube. He comes up to the dining room table and spies a plate of pomelo {big sweet grapefruit, you peel it all and eat it in segments}. He puts the tube up to his mouth, and says to the pomelo]: "...Grapefruit, start talking. Grapefruit, start thinking." Then he walks away. [Ji Hong-31-May-2005].