my computer she eeez - how you say - a piece of merde

Oooooh goody! It's computer melt-down time here at the Niedzwiecki-Sayo ranch. Phet will be happy because faulty computer = excellent chance that the wife will finally agree to buy a new laptop, preferably one of those shiny steel Macs with the 17" screens. [As a side note (and you know we LOVE side notes here at fixed address!), Phet has succeeding in brainwashing Ji into embracing the Apple-centric view; today after grocery shopping my 3 year old son dragged me into the Mac shop to see the funky yellow moon chairs].

The gradual alzheimerization of the the computer began with the letter "o" key not functioning. I tried to fix it; no luck. Phet has had so much work lately that it is not humanly possible for him to deal with my computer problems. What's a missing "o" compared to an unedited book awaiting his attention? Or a BBC video team desperate for him to arrange their Tunisian visas? Or, uh, let's see being pressured to godamnit hurry up and get Bill Gates on the next panel pronto? Now, let's see which other letters aren't working:

abcdefgh51230n qrst4vwxyz123456789*

So my current personal cryptonomicon is as follows: i=5, j=1, k=2, l=3, m=0, and of course o= and 0=*.

How then, you may wonder, am I able to type? Well, I've just attached on an external keyboard to the laptop and I use that. I also had to get it because before the letter "o" died, I lost the use of my forward-moving-arrow on the laptop. But you know, I thought I had things under control until I started preparing my exams last week, at which point my mouse went on the fritz.

It's not the mouse - cause I've tried other ones - but something about how the computer's getting information that is the problem. I can't hold the mouse down and select words. They'll highlight for a moment and then the highlighting disappears. I can try selecting this way ten times in a row and it won't work. Now, I have been using the hold-the-mouse-down-and-press-shift technique, but this is growing wearisome. And now, on top of it all, my mouse is now randomly clicking itself twice when I only want it to click once. Tonight I was putting together the photo albums from Balzac and the double-clicking made windows explorer shut down NINE times. I actually started swearing audibly at the computer using choice phrases circa grade 10. And tonight the computer also started sometimes randomly not agreeing to notice my right clicks. Me: "right click on rename photo" Computer: "Huh?" Me: "right click! rename!" Computer: "uhhh" Me: "RIGHT CLICK &*$#@*" Computer: "Was that a letter "o"?"

But, but, but, in an interesting development, Super Trung (who just arrived in Bangkok today for a week long bizniss visit, YAY!) says that I can probably fix all my problems by cleaning the keyboard. All I need is a teeny weeny screwdriver and a hairdryer, he tells me. Stay tuned and find out whether I give this piece of crap computer a tightly styled bouffant or whether it defeats my soul and I give in to Phet's techno craving. [Bangkok-20-November-2005]